June 08

Boundaries With Teens

When to say Yes, How to say No
by Dr John Townsend

BV 4529 TOW

Reviewed by: Gan Kum Yuin

 
A boundary is a personal property line.  The author believes that teens need healthy, loving boundaries to enable them to develop into thoughtful, mature, responsible adults. During the tumultuous teenage years when our teens are struggling to decide who they are, what they stand for and where they fit into the world, parents need to help their teens by setting and enforcing such boundaries.

If we want our teens to learn self-control and responsibility, the author says that we as parents need to model those qualities for our teens. In Part 1 of the book therefore, he urges and teaches parents to first develop and grow their own boundaries. He also addresses the specific difficulties that single and step parents face in this regard.

The next part of the book is about understanding the teenage world. Dr. Townsend tries to open a window into the teenage world to help parents understand more about what their teens are thinking, feeling and facing during the teenage years.  Part 3 explains how parents can set boundaries with their teens, hold the boundaries and enforce the consequences.  Finally, part 4 deals with specific teenage problems (helpfully arranged alphabetically in individual chapters) covering clothing, disrespect, driving, internet use, lying, substance abuse and many others.

Googling God

searching for a faith you can believe in
by John Cox

BR121.3 COX

Reviewed by: Mr Philip Poh Heo Hock

 
I believe in asking questions and then searching for the answers to those questions. 

I have adopted that frame of mind because this is the age of skepticism of all forms of authority and dogmatic assertions and I interact with people who question in all sincerity what the Christian Church teaches.  Such an approach is time-consuming.  It compels me to read widely and from authors who hold differing perspectives of the same subject, take notes of their stances and reflect on what I have read for a deeper understanding of where I stand. 

My son Joshua, who must have recognized this character trait in me, decided that I should touch base with another who has a similar mind-set.  He chose this book for me to review.  I am so glad that he did because the book beautifully affirms that this mind-set of mine is healthy. 

The author John Cox believes in a similar framework of mind and he encourages readers to follow it through.  “Asking a question is better than beginning with dogmatic assertions” is his premise for writing this book.  Deep inside each of us is a desire (consciously or unconsciously) to find meaning and fulfillment in the world and in our lives. 

This desire for meaning and fulfillment is met one way or another (work, sports, relationships, art, adventure and everything else we can imagine).  In our search, some of us have attended the Christian Church occasionally.  But we do not feel that they have been great experiences. Instead, we may have been “turned off” by those experiences, frustrated by the huge credibility gap between what God is supposed to be and what we see as we interact with people who called themselves “Christians”, and are now disillusioned and confused.  We may have questions but wondered whether we should even raise them.  We fear being labeled as “doubters” and “of little faith”.  We fear of being excluded from fellowship because we irritate many with our inquiries.  So we keep the questions and struggle with them.

The author exhorts us all to come out of that struggle and boldly question the Christian faith, test the boundaries of the faith and find out first hand what is reliable and true.  Just like we use search engines to “google” for information about anything and everything, we should do the same for GOD.

John then shares his “takes” on fundamental beliefs of the Christian faith: “the existence of God”, “religions”, “Jesus”, “Holy Spirit”, “the Bible” and then the implications of those beliefs on issues such as “suffering”, “salvation”, ”faith”, “miracles”, and “death”.  He uses anecdotes and illustrations from his life as a student, a family man and a pastor to set out his perspectives.  He peppers what he shares with quotations from many other writers, persons from the pages of history and even “the anonymous”.  All these make the reading of his book light and easy-going, but also engaging and thought provoking.  His perspectives on the fundamental beliefs are particularly refreshing.  Some of the quotations are also worth “googling” for background and for new insights into the familiar.

To help the readers flesh out their ruminations, John writes a series of questions at the end of the book for discussion.  True to the style of our times, John also has a website <www.googleforgod.com> to introduce himself.  We can go to this website to check those discussion questions out and write our responses.

Who You Are When No One’s Looking

Choosing Consistency, Resisting Compromise
by Bill Hybels

BV 4630 HYB

Reviewed by: Dorcas Fong

“Character is who you are when no one is looking” – J. C. Watts.

When I first passed my driving test, I was thrilled to be able to drive myself around Singapore, on my own!! However, as the weeks and months wore on, I discovered that driving is a peculiar activity which brought out a different side of me. I found that it was/still is so easy to be vulgar and bad tempered when I am encapsulated in that private space, usually alone, safe behind the wheel, away from social policing mechanisms. I began to dislike driving because of who I became behind the wheel. Yet, I soon realized it was not an activity to be avoided, but an opportunity for character to be refined.

This theme is more often than not, present in many aspects of our life, and Bill Hybels explores this with great clarity and conciseness. He distills and explores what he perceives to be “endangered qualities” of character: courage, discipline, vision, endurance, tender love, tough love, sacrificial love, radical love and the greatest character of all – the character of Christ. Hybels draws on his own experience of struggles with character refinement as well as the breakthroughs made possible through Christ and significant people in his life. More than just being a self-help book on how to live life, Hybels reinforces the imperative for Christians to live lives of integrity and character, without which, it is nearly impossible to carry out God’s will.

If you struggle with consistency and resisting compromise, you are not alone! Be encouraged to persevere in your struggle as you read this book J